Thursday, December 14, 2006

How To Be Funny, The One Page Course

Here’s a little mini-course on how to be funny:
First, go read Comedy Writing Secrets by Melvin
Helitzer. And while you’re at it, watch some good stand
up comedy routines like Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, and
Robin Williams. Listen to how they use word play, double
meanings, exaggeration, and misinterpretation to create
It’s time to get yourself a set of standard things that
you can say in some of the most common situations.
Here’s a list that I use personally and examples of
instances when you can use them:
1. Whenever someone has an emotional response to
something, say, “How do you REALLY feel about
it?” For instance, if a woman says
“I just HATE it
when people smoke around me!” say, “How do you
REALLY feel about it?” The sarcasm is that they’ve
shown that they have VERY strong feelings, so the
“How do you REALLY feel” creates a joke on them
that they’re overly emotional.
2. Say, “Anyway” and look away quickly after making
a wisecrack. For instance, if someone says, “That
girl over there is ugly” say, “Oh, I thought she was
you – anyway” (look away quickly). The looking
away and quick “Anyway” (trying to get off the
topic) creates a funny moment.
3. Misinterpret what women say. Always listen for
opportunities to misinterpret words. If you say,
“Let’s go over to the bar to have a drink” and the
woman says, “Let’s do it”, turn to her and say,
“Let’s do it? You mean right here? I think the line
for a bathroom stall is too long, and I’d rather
have a drink.”
4. Look for sexual innuendo in everything and use it
to accuse her of trying to seduce you before you
even know her. If she says, “Well, I’m getting
tired, and I think it’s time for bed”, say, “Bed? I
mean, I don’t even know if you know how to
kiss... and you’re trying to get me into bed? What
happened to the old days when you could be
friends first?”
5. Exaggerate. If an overweight woman walks by,
say, “What would you guess? 900 pounds?” Or if a
woman complains about a part of her body or her
clothing (I love these opportunities), exaggerate
it. For instance, if she says, “My hair looks like hell
today”, you say, “I didn’t want to say anything.”
Ohhhh this is funny stuff. You’ll usually get a hit
on the arm (in which case you can spank her on
the ass). Then you can go on all night making fun
of her hair, talking about how everyone is looking
at it, how you’re embarrassed to be seen with her
because of it, etc.

6. Connect things around you to current affairs in a
funny way. If a woman with a huge butt walks by,
say, “Hey, Jennifer Lopez is in the house.” If a
woman starts talking about how she just bought
herself a new car, say, “I like the effect that the
Independent Woman song is having on you.”
(These are, of course, currently funny. Next year,
it will be a different set of things.)
7. Don’t smile too much and don’t laugh at your own
jokes very often. When you smile or laugh, it
releases the tension. If you can keep a straight
face, the joke stays funnier longer.
OK, there’s a list of basic things that I’ve learned
regarding humor. I’d recommend that you start studying
humor, read books about it, go to comedy clubs, and
learn more advanced skills.
Also, start reading Maxim and Stuff magazines. Read
how they always use reversal humor. This is some good
funny stuff.

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